Thursday, June 01, 2006

Hilariously Bad Movie

The other might I watched the movie Vampire Assassin.


I didn't know they allowed movies that crappy to come out. But it was also funny as all-get-out. Charles & I sat there dying laughing at the pathetic script, the poor acting & ridiculous "action" scenes.

When they showed guns being fired, it literally looked like someone had colored in the flashes from the muzzles with a marker. They kinda forgot to pay attention to the whole timing thing, as well. The action was confusing and left us going "whaaa?" He would be getting the crap beat out of him, and then suddenly he was walking away leaving the bad guys on the ground.

The main chick spoke her lines like she was reading straight from cue cards. (I'm not saying I could do any better - probably worse, but at least I have the good sense to stay away from cameras. Sheesh!)

Some of the people bitten by the vampires changed within minutes while others (the main guy) took hours to even partially change into vampire-boy.

We got to laughing at the cover of the box, because the guy on the front isn't the fella in the movie.
Box - cornrows. Movie - bald.
Box - katana & throwing star thingy. Movie - short Roman gladius-y things that looked like something a kid threw together in shop class.
Box - cheap looking trench coat. Movie - really cheap looking trenchcoat that had to have been made out of thin plastic.

In short, unless you really, really want to waste time and get some laughs, don't ever watch this Blade wanna-be. (If you do, watch for Mongo-guy and his Grrrrr... 8vO )

Oh yeah, I forgot - we decided that one of the guys had to be security for some warehouse & agreed to let the movie people in to film, as long as he got a part. That & they probably had to film the rest in Bubba's house while his folks were out of town.

No comments: