Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Kitty Rules

Cat PhysicsSleepy Syd on the sofa

  • Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
    All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

  • Law of Cat Acceleration
    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

  • Law of Cat Composition
    A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

  • Law of Cat Disinterest
    A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  • Law of Cat Elongation
    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

  • Law of Cat Embarrassment
    A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

  • Law of Cat Gravitation
    A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.

  • Law of Cat Inertia
    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
  • Cave- kitty Sydney
  • Law of Cat Invisibility
    Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

  • Law of Cat Landing
    A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

  • Law of Cat Magnetism
    All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  • Law of Cat Mass
    The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.

  • Law of Cat Motion
    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

  • Law of Cat Obedience
    As yet undiscovered.

  • Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)
    It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.

  • Law of Cat Sleeping
    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

  • Law of Cat Stretching
    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
  • Streeeeetch after a nap
  • Law of Cat Thermodynamics
    Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  • Law of Cat Washing
    A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

  • Law of Concentration of Mass
    A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

  • Law of Dinner Table Attendance
    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

  • Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
    Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

  • Law of Energy Conservation
    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.My catalog, momma
  • Law of Equidistant Separation
    All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

  • Law of Fluid Displacement
    A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

  • Law of Furniture Replacement
    A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

  • Law of Milk Consumption
    A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

  • Law of Obedience Resistance
    A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

  • Law of Pill Rejection
    Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

  • Law of Random Comfort Seeking
    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

  • Law of Refrigerator Observation
    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

  • Law of Rug Configuration
    No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  • Law of Selective Listening
    Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.

  • Law of Space-time Continuum
    Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
  • Syd on the curio cabinet

    Found at Flippy's Cat Page

    3 comments:

    Andy said...

    Terribly funny list, I laughed out loud!

    A Random Stranger said...

    "Galstaff, you have entered a door to the north. You are now by yourself standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emminates from the wet duengeon walls... WHERE ARE THE CHEE-TOS!!!"

    LadyGunn said...

    "Can I have a Mountain Dew?"

    "But I want grey eyes..."

    "Roll the dice & see if I'm getting drunk!"

    Pookie, Pookie... you are the Dr. of... GRAVY!!!